About Couples Counseling
No matter how pessimistic you may find yourself, you will notice that consulting with a professional will help you and your partner stay more focused on the goals you set, and the ways to achieve them; so that even the smallest, positive steps lead to rebuilding trust and creating the intimacy you once shared.
In the future, when you look back, it may be hard to believe that you once saw only two equally painful options - sticking it out or calling it quits.
How We Begin and Work Together
During our first meeting, I like to learn as much as I can about you and your partner; what drew you together, what still works, what does not work (actions/ attitudes etc. that stand in the way of you enjoying each other), and finally, what you want to achieve.
My goal is to help you achieve yours.
It is important for me understand what you and your partner brought to the relationship when it first began; things you may have learned in your own families. These could include: values, cultures, roles, and attitudes about marital/ intimate primary relationships.
What I Do – To Help Your Relationship
I share with you all information I have about what makes relationships work:
From studies that identify the essential ingredients and skills required to form and maintain satisfying, long-term relationships
From couples who have been together for years (happily), and
From my 23 years of experience as a therapist and couples counselor.
A Step-By-Step Process
I provide a safe/ neutral learning environment
I listen to your feelings/ experiences
I help you clarify what you want to achieve
I use my eyes and ears to find out what is getting in the way
I share my observations and get your feedback
I validate what I think you already do well/ relationship strengths
I point out the skills that need improving so you can achieve what you want, (They often include listening more effectively and managing emotional intensity)
I demonstrate using the skills and have you try them out in the office
I help you schedule time to practice needed skills in between sessions
The skill-building exercises are designed specifically for you and your partner (not generic)
I help you and you partner commit to the skill-building exercises
Studies show that the key factor in successful couples therapy (reported by couples themselves) is that these couples practiced skill-building exercises in between sessions
See more information on Individual Therapy on the About Counseling page
Mastering anything is empowering, but mastering relationship skills can allow you to feel hopeful.
My goal is to:
Help you identify and develop skills/ patterns that build trust, nurture each other’s personal growth, and solidify the relationship bond
Provide reinforcement for interactions that support your goals
Encourage and serve as your coach to identify and eliminate destructive patterns of relating that block you from achieving your goals.
Give non-judgmental feedback for interactions that do not support your goals
Offer constructive options for responding and for communicating your needs and opinions - ones that do not distance you or your partner or set the relationship back
Teach essential listening and message-sending skills that allow each person to both feel understood, and to express themselves
Give you specific tools to manage emotional flare-ups that, in the past, triggered negative and destructive interactions
Provide you with easy-to-do practice exercises for in-between sessions; to move you along more quickly, and to make our sessions together more productive.
If you tried couples counseling before and think it might be a waste of time, I understand. On the other hand, the fact that you are thinking about it again, means you haven’t given up.
Even if your partner is not open to couples therapy, you can get the help
you need for the pain the relationship is causing you, and at the same time,
increase the chances that he or she will join you later on. |
Coming in by yourself for relationship issues
Even if your partner is not open to couples counseling now, there are things you might want to consider about coming by yourself:
It’s not uncommon for one person to come alone, at first; the partner following later
You will benefit from some relief and support
Studies show (and it is my experience) that when one person makes even minor adjustments in relationship interactions, or experiences a slight shift in attitude, the relationship can improve; and the other person is more inclined to change.
Whatever pain, fear or concerns you have now, people tell me that getting professional help was one of the most important decisions they’ve made.
If you would like more information, or would like to make an appointment, I am easily reached by telephone at 917-338-6294.
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